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by HeronstairsTID
Summary: Set after Clockwork Princess. Tessa had fled from London and had vowed never to return. 8 years later, she finds herself back in the city where her whole life Changed. Literally. Will she let the burden of her past mistakes consume her or will she finally set herself free and come home to the Institute, home to him?
1. Chapter 1

Tessa never thought she would be walking the streets of London ever again after she had so hastily fled from it right after she had recovered from their final battle with Mortmain. She still feel her flesh burn as she was engulfed by the Angel Ithuriel's heavenly fire when she Changed into him to stop Mortmain from killing the Shadowhunters of the London Institute.

She winced as she absentmindedly rubbed a hand over her heart. The pain never went away, even after spending 8 years away from the source of this pain, a certain boy with black hair and eyes as blue as a night sky in hell-as the warlock Magnus Bane had once said, although she and Magnus had remained friends over the years-the same boy who she once thought was broken and had wanted to fix but instead had fallen hopelessly in love with. Before he had pushed her away to protect her from a curse. Before she became engaged to his _parabatai._

Their names crept into her mind and with them brought a fresh wave of pain. _Will and Jem._

Her mind was instantly flooded with memories of the two boys who had equally possessed her heart. And with the pain at the thought of losing either one of them, one to his terminal sickness and the other to the darkness of his curse. She dared not think of the day she was taken by Mortmain and Jem's face of pure sorrow when he could not save her, blood trickling into his clothes. She dared not think of Will's soft voice when he held her in his arms when he found her in Cadair Idris, whispering words of comfort while shedding his own tears as Tessa mourned Jem's death.

She dared not think of the feel of Will's lips, desparate and urgent on hers, as they molded into one.

And she most definitely cannot think of the shock-and the shame-that went through her as she saw Jem, alive and strong and bearing the runes of a Silen Brother, fighting side by side Will against the automatons.

After that battle against Mortmain and his automatons, after she had regained full recovery, Tessa had escaped from the Institute in the dead night, and got on a ship to New York. She watched as the ship sailed away from London, away from the Institute, away from them. She vowed to herself that she would never come back.

Tessa was shaken from her reverie when the ship's horn had announced they were about to make dock. She looked around and gathered her bearings.

She felt a gentle tug on her skirt and looked down to see big, golden eyes stare back at her. Messy black hair, curling at the humidity and pale skin, he was the picture of perfection and felt her heart warm.

"Momma, are we here?" he asked

Tessa gave her son a tight smile and gently squeezed his hand.

"Yes, _James_." She looked toward the dock. "We're here."


	2. Chapter 2

After Tessa and James had settled themselves in an inn just in the middle of London, they set out into the city to take James sightseeing and to reacquaint herself with the city she had left 8 years before.

They had gone to all the tourist spots and looked into every interesting shop James had dragged his mother to. And there was a lot of them.

_He is always so curious, _Tessa thought to herself. _Just like his father. _

The thought had caused a lump in her throat and a dull ache in her heart and she quickly banished the thought back into the depths of her subconscious.

They continued on their little adventure around London until they find themselves walking along the Thames.

"Mama! Mama! Can we go over there?" James said pointing towards the direction of his new object of interest.

Tessa's eyes followed her son's finger and couldn't stop the gasp that had escaped her lips when the saw what James was looking at.

Blackfriars Bridge.

She was overwhelmed with such emotion at the sight of this particular spot as images started flashing through her mind. Images on that very bridge, on one night, so many years ago.

_J__em's soft voice. His smile. Those peculiar yet beautiful silver eyes._

_The automatons. The clash of metal on metal. Jem collapsing. _

Tessa couldn't control the shake in her voice as she replied.

"Darling, no. It's quite drafty over there, I wouldn't want you to get sick. "

"But Mo-!"

"James Gray!" She said sharply, "Come along."

James sulkily obeyed his mother and let her drag him away from the bridge. They grabbed something small to eat on the way and finally, they went back to the inn.

Later that night, James was quietly murmuring to himself as he was immersed nose deep in a book.

_Catching up on his Latin, I see_, Tessa thought to herself as she gazed fondly at her son. It is evident that he got her love for reading. _Their _love for reading, she corrected.

James had often asked about his father, who and where he was, and why he wasn't with them now. Tessa saw no point in trying to hide the truth about Will's identity. She figured it would be better that she embraced this truth instead of trying to run from it.

She told him that he was far away, but he was a good man. He had dedicated his life to protecting the people and fighting for the Law. He had saved her life numerous of times and that he was a hero in the night.

That had sated James for a while, knowing that he actually _had _a father who he might actually see one day.

"When can I meet him, mama?" he had once asked her with his big, round golden eyes.

She could feel her heart breaking all over again as she stared into her son's eyes, the eyes shaped so much like Will's it hurt her to breathe.

"Perhaps someday.."

But deep down in her heart, she dreaded the thought of ever looking into those blue eyes, fearing that shame might swallow her whole.

After realizing she was pregnant, Tessa found a job as a librarian in New York. It wasn't much, but it was enough for her and for the baby. She had a steady job so she could rent a small apartment right in the middle of the city.

Magnus had found her when she was around 6 months along so there was no way to hide the fact that she was pregnant with a certain Shadowhunter's child. Ever so perceptive and having seen the two himself, Magnus put two and two together and he looked at Tessa with shock and sadness in his eyes and Tessa had burst into tears right there in the doorway of her small apartment. Magnus quietly wrapped his arms around her, not saying anything.

Magnus had been big help as the months progressed, he even offered to teach her how to hone her warlock skills, which she declined, not wanting anything to do with the Shadow World no longer.

"You know that's not possible, my dear." He argued, "The child is Nephilim. Like his father before him, like _you."_

"I am not Nephilim, Magnus. Not truly." She countered, softly rubbing the bulge of her stomach.

"Nephilim blood is dominant, Tess. Indeed, you cannot be a Shadowhunter because of the demon blood inside you, but your child can be, _will be_." he said as he grasped her hand.

"All Nephilim children will be vulnerable at birth if not given the proper ceremony, Tess. They need to be given runes to ward off demons. This is to protect him._" _he continued.

Tessa refused to meet Magnus's eyes as she kept them trained on her womb.

"_Tessa,"_ Magnus said ever so softly, _"do not deprive your child of his birthright."_

So she didn't.

And she accepted Magnus's offer to train her.

As soon as James was born-both she and Magnus sharing a look once she had told the midwife the name she had given her child-Magnus had taken the child to Ragnor Fell who had contacted a Silent Brother and a female warlock to perform the protection ceremony on the child. Magnus had made it a point to not tell the Silent Brother who the child's parents were, in fear that the Silent Brother would inform the Clave and the Shadowhunters of the London Institute.

Tessa and Magnus both had the shock of their lives when James opened his eyes to reveal them to not be blue or gray like his parents, but a deep burning gold.

"Well, at least we know he got something from _you."_ He had said, "those eyes are a warlocks trait." He added with a wink of his green-gold catlike eyes.

Time passed and Tessa and Magnus watched as James grew into the rambunctious, intelligent, and curious young boy he was today. Aside from the burning gold of his eyes that were the only physical feature he had inherited from his mother, everything about him practically screamed Will Herondale. With his messy black hair, the shape of his mouth, and even the shape of his face. Tessa could tell her son was going to be a heartbreaker one day.

"He's going to be a heartbreaker one day." Magnus said, giving her young son an appreciative look.

"Magnus, please tell me you're not developing any attractions to my 5-year-old son." Tessa replied wryly.

"I will live a long life, Tess. I've got nothing better to do other than watch your little hellion grow into the sharpest young bachelors on this side of Manhattan. Look at that jawline! Can't you see?! It's going to be as sharp as a seraph blade!" He joked.

Tessa swatted him with a book she was reading. "And here I thought I'd be having enough trouble trying to keep _girls _away from my son. Never would I have thought I'd have to fight off a sparkly _warlock_ as well!"

Magnus had only smiled.

Since neither Tessa nor Magnus are equipped to raise James the way a Shadowhunter child should be raised, they had ensured that he be given all the books about the Shadow World they could get their hands on. James was brought up with readings of Latin, Greek and other languages. Tessa had also given him her copy of the _Codex_ and had seen the way his eyes lit up when he had first laid touched it, as if a missing part of him has finally been found.

Upon giving him the _Codex_, James' curiosity about his father had once again peeked.

She and James were both in the living room of their little apartment, both reading.

"Mama," James had started.

"Yes, dear?" She looked up from her book.

He scrunched up his nose, the way he usually does when he's trying to understand something.

"Is my father a Shadowhunter?" He finally asked, looking up from the _Codex._

"Y-yes.." she stammered, shocked.

"So does that make me a Shadowhunter as well?"

She put her book down and ran her hand through his silky black locks. "Yes." she whispered.

James had only nodded, and went back to reading.

Tessa knew she would have to do something about having James trained properly, but she needed more time before she faced the Shadowhunters.

But she knew she was already pushing her luck. She knew she was running out of time.

She was right.

She and James had just gotten home from the library when Magnus had come bursting in, wide-eyed, rumpled and breathless.

_Magnus was never rumpled and breathless._

"Magnus," she said with a hand to her chest, "what ever is the matter?"

"London…Shadowhunters…..trouble…..need…..help….." He panted.

She gasped. _"What?!"_

"Mother—" James began.

"Go to your room for a moment, darling." She said to her son.

Magnus had somewhat gathered himself and was able to speak more clearly this time.

He cleared his throat. "There's been some trouble in London. They request my assistance in the matter. Some conflict with the Downworlders…" he trailed off, noting how tense Tessa had gotten.

"But they request all the help I can give them, which means I must gather other warlocks who may assist me. " He went on.

Tessa clenched and unclenched her fists and she took deep and steady breaths. "What are you trying to say Magnus?"

"Come with me, Tessa. You and James."

Tessa made a choking sound. "Co-come with you? B-b-but…_why?"_

"Tessa, you are one of the most talented warlocks I've ever come across. And believe me, I've met _a lot_ of warlocks—" he began.

"Magnus, _no!_" she cried, "I-I can't!"

"_Please, Tessa." _Magnus pleaded. "Think about it."

"Surely there are other warlocks…." Tessa countered. "Perhaps Catarina could—"

"I haven't any idea how to contact Catarina right now. Tessa, you are the best candidate for this."

"_Why, Magnus?!"_

He sighed. "Tessa, you could put yourself back together."

"By going back to London?"

"By going out of hiding."

Tessa had no response for that and Magnus went on.

"Tess, it's been eight years. It's time."

Tessa could feel herself trembling.

"I see the fear in your eyes, Tess. But you musn't be afraid. You know they will forgive you, he will forgive you." He said softly.

"It is I who cannot forgive myself!" She collapsed into an armchair and sobbed into her hands.

"Tessa, how can you not forgive yourself when there has been no wrong done?"

"Wh-what I've d-done to them…" she sobbed on, her voiced muffled with tears.

"You have done nothing, my dear Tessa. This mistake, as you call it, led to your son. That is no mistake. You must not regret. You must not be ashamed."

Tessa knew he was right, but he still held her, as she cried in his arms.

Later that night, when Magnus had long gone, she crept inside her son's room, and gathered him into her arms. She was running her fingers through his silky hair as tears streamed down her face, when he stirred.

"Mum?" he said sleepily, cocking one gold eye open.

"Hello, my love." She said, placing a kiss on his head.

"What's the matter? What did Uncle Magnus want?"

She took a deep breath. _Here we go._

"Pack your bags, darling. We're going on an adventure."


	3. Chapter 3

**FIRST AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**Hello, everyone! First three chapters are up and it makes me really happy that I've been getting positive feedback! This is my first story and your support means so much to me! I'll try my best to make this story live up to everyone's expectations. Please keep reviewing and giving feedback so that I'll know what you guys think! Hope you guys continue to join me, Tessa, Will, James, Jem and all the other amazing characters of TID on this journey!**

**Aaaaaand as a treat, this chapter is all about WILL! And his angst. Teehee! **

"_Will, look out!" _screamed Gabriel Lightwood. "_WILLIAM!"_

Will Herondale spun around just in time to meet the Dahak demon head-on as it lunged for him, and with a flash of his seraph blade, neatly sliced the demon in half.

The demon fell to the ground, twitching, and finally disappeared.

With a self-satisfied smirk, Will turned to look at his companion to cast him an incredulous look.

"Goodness, Gabriel. I never knew it was humanly possible to reach a decibel that _high. _You may have a future at the opera house." He said, amusement evident in his voice.

Gabriel huffed and his green eyes flashed with irritation. "It is only you, William Herondale, who could afford to joke around in situations like this. That Dahak demon could have had you."

Will opened his arms wide and exclaimed, "But alas, fair maiden, the demon hadn't! _Fear not, for Will Herondale shall live to see another day!"_

Gabriel scoffed at him and shoved past him. "It is indeed a wonder that you have lived even this long, William. I had thought for sure you wouldn't live past nineteen."

"Oh, I believe the world isn't quite ready to send a specimen as beautiful as me to the after-life just yet. After all, who else could add a little bit of color to this drab city?" Will said, false distaste coloring his voice.

"You make it sound as if the rest of us were ugly toads."

"Heavens, no. I would never affiliate you with a toad. When kissed by a beautiful maiden, toads turn into dukes or counts. You, my dear Gabriel, are more of a _salamander._" Will proclaimed, obviously pleased with himself.

"First of all, only a princess can turn you into a prince. And secondly, the story is about frogs, not toads." Gabriel argued.

"Ah, but it does not change the fact that you are a salamander." Will countered. "Salamander Lightworm, excellent ring to it, eh?"

Gabriel cast him a glare. "If only you weren't the brother of my fiancee', I would tie you up, throw you in a sack—"

Will gasped dramatically. "-and take me to a brothel to have your way with me?"

Looking appalled and slightly disgusted, Gabriel continued, "then I will throw you into the duck pond at Hyde Park."

Will visibly paled.

The two Shadowhunters made their way back to the London Institute, both lost in their own thoughts as the carriage gently rocked along the cobblestones.

Will cast a glance at Gabriel, looking eagerly out the window, barely containing his excitement to get back to the Institute. Back to Cecily. Back to his _sister._

It took all of Will's self-control to repress a shudder and a gag.

The carriage had finally come to a stop and Gabriel got out so fast you'd think he had another Dahak demon in his pants.

Both he and Cyril cast incredulous looks at each other and shrugged. 

Once Will had made it up the steps to the Institute, the doors swung open to his touch and he was greeted with the most horrible sight.

"WHY CAN'T YOU PEOPLE FIND SOMEWHERE ELSE TO DO THESE GHASTLY THINGS. MY EYES. " 

Both Gabriel and Cecily jumped out of their passionate embrace to look at Will, looking guilty and embarrassed.

"H-hello, Will. I, uh, didn't see you there." Cecily started, clearly flustered.

"Well of course you wouldn't _see _me, Cecily. What with Gabriel here trying to make his way down your throat _IN THE FOYER._" Will cried, a half-crazed look in his eyes.

Gabriel flushed and Cecily bowed her dark head in embarrassment. 

"I was not—" Gabriel started 

"What is all this arguing about?" Charlottle Branwell, the Consul, had said upon arriving to investigate the root causes of the row, behind her was her husband Henry. "Will, Gabriel, is there anything to report?" 

Will sighed and rubbed his eyes. "No, Charlotte. Other than an encounter with a Dahak demon, there was nothing to find on the East Side of the city."

Charlotte nodded. "Alright. Would you like me to have Bridget fix you some dinner then?"

This made Will smile. Charlotte, ever the hoverer despite her high positing in the Clave. 

"No, thank you. I will retire to my chambers and perhaps try to get some sleep to forget the hideous things I have witnessed tonight." 

Henry laughed, his warm brown eyes dancing. "My, was the demon that ugly?"

"Oh, no. I wouldn't mind facing the demon again. Gabriel defiling my sister in the foyer though…" he trailed off, shuddering. 

"_Will!"_ Cecily cried, smacking her brother.

Henry and Charlotte both looked shocked and turned to look at Gabriel and Cecily questioningly. 

"Well, um, we, I, uh….you see…." Gabriel had stammered as Will went up the stairs, chuckling to himself. 

He was walking towards his room when he had come across a certain corridor, a corridor he had avoided at all costs for the first few years since they had left the Institute. The pain was much too great for him then, losing his parabatai to the Silent City and her leaving so suddenly without leaving as much as a letter to explain her departure. He thought the pain would swallow him whole.

But he knew wallowing around in his own grief would lead to nowhere. So he had tried his best to move forward. 

Ever since being promoted to the position of Consul, Charlotte had been training Will to take over the Institute. So his days consisted of Will memorizing names, and addresses and contact details of all the members of the Clave, as well as their relatives and their relatives' relatives.

Will thought his head was going to explode.

On top of that, he had taken it upon himself to personally train Cecily, who at the time, had very little experience in Shadowhunting.

And after years of daily knife-throwing, sword-fighting, seraph blade-wielding, wall-climbing, jumping from one great height to another, Cecily was almost as good a Shadowhunter as her brother. _Almost. _

Will had devoted his time and efforts to being the very best Shadowhunter he could be, from going out on late nights with Cecily, Gabriel, Gideon and Sophie to fight Shax demons, make peace with Downworlders, save a cat from a tree, stop a duck invasion.

"_Ducks are every bit as evil as the Nine Princes of Hell_," he once pointed out.

And all the while, he had also looked for Tessa. He scoured the London Downworld in hopes that he could find anyone who can lead him to her. But his efforts were fruitless. She was gone.

He had countless of sleepless nights, pouring over every book in the Institute's library hoping that he could clues of her whereabouts. He had thought that she would return to New York but he knew he could not simply leave the Institute just like that.

And on the nights that he did sleep, he had nightmares. Nightmares of the Infernal Devices, nightmares of Jem dying, nightmares of Tessa turning her back and choosing to leave him.

He often woke up screaming, and Cecily and Charlotte would rush to him. As Cecily gathered him into her arms she would murmur to him comfortingly in Welsh.

"Shhh. _Mae'n iawn, dwi yma. Mae'n iawn." _She whispered against his hair as she rocked them back and forth.

She and Charlotte shared looks of concern and helpless as Will's body racked with sobs while saying her name.

"_Tessa." _

Will had never ceased to look for her. But as the years passed by and he had exhausted every possible effort he could think of, even contacting the Silent Brothers, and therefore opening another wound in his heart.

He could still feel the sorrow of losing his _parabatai _to the Silent City, but Will knew this was what was best for Jem. He will live a long life, and that alone was enough for Will.

Jem, now known as Brother Zachariah, was completely distraught that there was nothing he could do to find Tessa because the Laws of the Brotherhood forbidden him from doing so. At least Will knew there was someone else who understood his pain.

The years had not been easy for Will but his duties were enough to keep him grounded. He slowly felt himself start to heal, or at least he could get at least a few hours of sleep every night.

"He just needs time," Charlotte said one day as she and Cecily were once again looking at him as he and Gabriel and Gideon were about to set out on another mission.

Cecily just gazed sadly at her brother as she was carrying little Matthew, Charlotte and Henry's second child, in her arms.

Will adored little Matthew, and his older brother Charles as well. If there was anyone who could bring back even a semblance of light into his eyes, it would be those two little boys.

Whenever he's with Charlotte and Henry's sons, Cecily could see her brother again. It gave her hope that maybe the man her brother was once was could come back.

Charlotte was right and it had indeed taken time for Will to recover. He still hoped that one day he could track Tessa down and bring her back. But right now, he had an Institute to run and demons to kill.

Slowly, he made his way into the corridor and briefly stopped in front of Jem's door, remembering the days when he would burst into his _parabatai_'s bedroom to talk about his latest discoveries and adventures and the days when he had held Jem's hand when his _parabatai_ was high with fever and coughing blood.

He closed his eyes and shook his head and turned to the door opposite Jem's. He hesitated for a moment before going in.

The room had been left unoccupied long enough for any traces of her scent to vanish, but he could still feel her presence within these walls.

_It was too much._

He quickly turns on his heel and exits the room. He makes his way back to his own quarters and slams the door shut.

"Arrgh!" he growls in frustration while pulling at his hair.

He throws himself into his bed with such force that the bed rocks the wall and the nearby bookshelf from the impact. The bookshelves shook violently for a moment and quite a few had fallen to the floor.

Will rubs his eyes and gets up to pick up the fallen books to put them back on the shelf when one book in particular catches his eye.

Slowly, he bends down to pick it up and walks back to his bed and sits down. He holds the book with so much tension in his hands his knuckles turn white.

He slowly brushes his fingers along the title of the book, wiping away the dust that had collected there.

_A Tale of Two Cities. _

Taking a deep breath, he opens the book to read the dedication he had once written to Tessa, but had never had the courage to give her the book.

With a heavy heart, he read the words that speaks the truth up until this very day.

_You are not the last dream of my soul.__You are the first dream, the only dream I ever was unable to stop myself from dreaming. You are the first dream of my soul, and from that dream I hope will come all other dreams, a lifetime's worth._

He slammed the book shut and bowed his head. He took deep, slow calming breaths as he tried to collect himself.

He looked up and saw himself in the mirror across from his bed, he saw the bruise-like shadows under his eyes, the paleness of his skin and the darkness of his unruly hair. But he held his gaze with his reflection, blue eyes burning with intensity.

"I will find you, Tessa. I swear it on the Angel. I am never giving up."


End file.
